Jared and his Dad
Jared and Me
Families Can Be Together Forever
I have a family here on earth,
They are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them,
For all eternity.
Families can be together forever,
Through Heavenly Father's plan.
I always want to be with my own family,
And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord has shown me how I can.
--Ruth Muir Gardner
Finally, Steve and I got to hold and snuggle with our little Jared. We had yearned for so long to hold him and to let him feel our warmth and affection for him. It was so difficult for me not to be able to embrace my baby.
Jared was so fragile with fresh surgical wounds and scars where lines were put into his wrists, legs, and even his head. I was fearful of hurting him. But, I couldn't resist the temptation of picking him up and holding his little body next to mine. I had to hold him and he loved it. The bonding between us provided healing for us both.
Once Jared was able to go up to the heart floor of the hospital, he continued to heal. There weren't as many interruptions for checking vital signs and administering medications. His little bottom had finally healed. The medications he was receiving in the NICU gave him a nasty, painful rash in the diaper area.
Most of the time, he didn't wear a diaper because his bottom was so sore. Upon walking into the NICU one day, I noticed his bottom was purple and red and bleeding. Jared lay there screaming in pain but he could not be heard because of the tubes running down his throat. I could not bear watching him this way.
Suddenly I remembered a hemorrhoid medication I had used that had a great numbing affect. The meds I was given for the sepsis left me with golf-ball-sized hemorrhoids and I had to sit on a donut pillow for days. I insisted that the nurse order the medication for Jared. She said she had never heard of using it for diaper rash before. Once the hemorrhoid cream arrived and was applied to Jared's bottom, he stopped crying. It worked like magic.
This seemingly tiny incident amidst much larger medical complications increased my faith in a Heavenly Father that sees all and knows all and is never too busy to send relief to his suffering child.
While living on the heart floor, Steve and I had the opportunity to meet and grow close to other parents who had children there with heart defects. I say living, because that is literally what you do. You move in with your child. There was a place for parents to shower. You didn't care too much about your appearance. Sweat pants and t-shirts were popular. We usually ate in the hospital cafeteria or purchased our food and brought it back to the room. There were discount vouchers for the parents of the children in the hospital. That was a big help to all of us.
We shared each other's stories, exchanged addresses and promised to keep in touch. Being there was bitter sweet. Bitter because we saw so many children give up the fight and return back home to their Heavenly Father. Those times were the hardest. We cried together, for each other, cheered each other on, prayed for one another, vented on one another and mourned the loss of each child whose life was cut short. You wondered, in the back of your mind, if your child was going to be next. So, you cherished each and every moment. One day a child could be doing magnificently well and the next day his bed would be empty. And then you would question why? Why?
The sweetness came when you witnessed a family preparing to take their child home. It kept the rest of us hoping. It increased our faith.
So why do some make it and some don't? I really do not know the answer to that question. I only know that when a child is born, even if he lives for just a moment, he has touched the hearts of those who created him. They touch us and we grow. Hearts grow tender when through our grief we look upward. And at that moment we realize that life is bigger than ourselves. And I believe that those children continue to touch us in ways that we cannot comprehend in mortality. But, they are our angel children. We are still their earthly parents. They want us to live our lives in such a way that we can return and be with them some day, so they remain in our hearts. They reach into our soul, never to be forgotten. There are none more special.
I love the words to a Song penned by Janice Kapp Perry called "The Test."
Tell
me friend, I see your pain.
Why
when you pray in faith for healing,
Does
the crippling thorn remain?
Help
me see, if you understand, why doesn’t he who healed
The
lame man come with healing in his wings?
It
would be so easy for Him.
I
watch you and in sorrow question why?
And
you my friend, in perfect faith reply.
Didn’t
He say, the way would not be sure?
But
didn’t he say we could live with him forever more,
Well
and whole, if we but patiently endure.
After
the trial, we will be blessed,
But
this life is the test.
Tell me now, why must you die?
Why must your loved ones stand with empty arms,
And ask the question why?
Help
me know, so I can go on.
How
when your love and faith sustained me,
Can the precious gift be gone?
From
the depths of sorrow I cry,
Though pains of grief within my soul arise.
The
whisperings of the Spirit still my cry.
\
Didn’t
He say, the way would not be sure?
But
didn’t he say we could live with him forever more,
Well
and whole, if we but patiently endure.
After
the trial, we will be blessed,
But
this life is the test.
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