The Lord is My Shepherd
The Lord is my shepherd no want shall I know.
I feed in green pastures safe folded I rest.
He leadest my soul where the still waters flow,
Restores me when wandering,
Redeems when oppressed.
Thru the valley and shadow of death though I stray,
Thou art my guardian no evil I fear.
Thy rod shall defend me, thy staff be my stay,
No harm can befall with my comforter near.
In the midst of affliction my table is spread,
With blessings unmeasured my cup runneth o'er.
With perfume and oil thou anointest my head,
Oh, what shall I ask of thy providence more?
I was released from the hospital six days after Jared's birth. The past six days had taken me on a seemingly endless roller-coaster ride. I was recovering from my third cesarean section. I had experienced pain, grief, sorrow, anguish, trauma, fear, anxiety and . . . hope. By now, I was running on sheer adrenalin and hope. Though my body was in a weakened state, my mind was strengthened by faith. The scriptures had taught me that, "If a man (woman) have faith he (she) must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope."
Jared's life had touched me in profound ways. He was so beautiful on the outside and so ill on the inside. Every day with him was a gift. There were no guarantees and the doctors cautioned us that he had a long way to go. We were in it for the long haul. And, faith and hope kept asking the question--why would God perform such an astonishing miracle only to take him away?
I went straight from the hospital to my new home. It seemed so strange. We were still living in our old home when I went into the hospital. When I was released from the hospital, Steve took me to our new home. How representative of my life? Out of the old and into the new. Nothing would ever be the same and I was okay with that.
My wonderful brother and sister-in-law had moved us completely during my hospital stay. The sisters in our church had scrubbed the house from top to bottom and had stocked the shelves with food. What a great blessing that was for us. We were a young family and had amassed no wealth. Steve was just 22 years old and had just begun a career in sales. Jared's arrival left us with a strong need for support.
I was so happy to be home with my little two year-old Joel and one year-old Jordan. I had missed them tremendously and they had missed me. They were my little darlings, my precious bounty and yet, my quiver was not full. Someone was missing and I yearned to see my sons together. I felt sorrow for them because they were too young to understand where mommy had been and I was afraid they had felt abandoned by me. And now, how was I going to divide my time between them and the hospital and who would care for them while I was away. So many questions. I was overwhelmed.
Two days after being released from the hospital I began to fall ill. In the middle of the night I was awakened by excruciating pain. I thought that perhaps I had overexerted myself by caring for my two boys at home and making the long trek to the hospital to see my newborn. I got up at around 3:00 a.m. and took two Nuprin and went back to bed thinking I would feel better at daybreak.
I did not sleep. Instead of lessening the pain continued to worsen. I tried not to wake Steve too early because we were both exhausted. However, when I tried to get up in the morning I could barely walk, doubled over in pain, and my whimpering turned to screams. Something had taken over my body and was moving fast.
Steve called for an ambulance. I was carried out of the house, nearly delerious, on a stretcher. I was taken back to Women's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan, an hour's drive away. While in the ambulance I began to shiver and violently shake. The EMT's turned the heat up as high as they could for me but I could not stop shaking. It was a very long ride and I faintly remember the ambulance weaving it's way through the middle of a massive crowd on their way to a football game between the University of Michigan and the College of Notre Dame. I could view the crowd through the ambulance window and the comfort in that was knowing that I was almost at the hospital.
More to Come . . .
My wonderful brother and sister-in-law had moved us completely during my hospital stay. The sisters in our church had scrubbed the house from top to bottom and had stocked the shelves with food. What a great blessing that was for us. We were a young family and had amassed no wealth. Steve was just 22 years old and had just begun a career in sales. Jared's arrival left us with a strong need for support.
I was so happy to be home with my little two year-old Joel and one year-old Jordan. I had missed them tremendously and they had missed me. They were my little darlings, my precious bounty and yet, my quiver was not full. Someone was missing and I yearned to see my sons together. I felt sorrow for them because they were too young to understand where mommy had been and I was afraid they had felt abandoned by me. And now, how was I going to divide my time between them and the hospital and who would care for them while I was away. So many questions. I was overwhelmed.
Two days after being released from the hospital I began to fall ill. In the middle of the night I was awakened by excruciating pain. I thought that perhaps I had overexerted myself by caring for my two boys at home and making the long trek to the hospital to see my newborn. I got up at around 3:00 a.m. and took two Nuprin and went back to bed thinking I would feel better at daybreak.
I did not sleep. Instead of lessening the pain continued to worsen. I tried not to wake Steve too early because we were both exhausted. However, when I tried to get up in the morning I could barely walk, doubled over in pain, and my whimpering turned to screams. Something had taken over my body and was moving fast.
Steve called for an ambulance. I was carried out of the house, nearly delerious, on a stretcher. I was taken back to Women's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan, an hour's drive away. While in the ambulance I began to shiver and violently shake. The EMT's turned the heat up as high as they could for me but I could not stop shaking. It was a very long ride and I faintly remember the ambulance weaving it's way through the middle of a massive crowd on their way to a football game between the University of Michigan and the College of Notre Dame. I could view the crowd through the ambulance window and the comfort in that was knowing that I was almost at the hospital.
More to Come . . .
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