Lead, Kindly Light
Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom.
Lead thou me on!
The night is darkness and I am far from home.
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet.
I do not ask to see the distant scene.
One step enough for me.
So long thy power hath blessed me.
Sure it still will lead me on.
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent,
Till the night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile.
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.
--John Henry Newman
--John Henry Newman
After hours of lying in the recovery room waiting for updates on Jared's condition, I finally allowed the nurses to administer pain medication for having had a cesarian section. I was later transferred to a room where Steve and I could have the privacy we needed to pray and cry and unburden ourselves of the fear that engulfed us. My physical pain finally surrendered to the narcotic but the emotional pain was raw. There was nothing that could dull or ease the anxiety that had consumed me.
The night seemed an eternity. As morning finally arrived, so did one of Jared's pediatric surgeons. He reported that "Jared had done better than expected" throughout the night but, we are dealing with very serious complications right now."
It was decided to remove Jared from the medication being used to keep a ductus open between his heart and lung.
Jared was born on a Friday morning. He was a large baby. His guesstimated weight was ten to eleven pounds. He was too critical to weigh right after birth and an accurate weight could not be taken later because he was bogged down with arm boards, IV's, ventilater, etc.
I was not due to have Jared until the first of October. Because of his size and diabetes complications it was decided he would be delivered as soon as my amniotic fluid tested positive for lung maturity. I was in no way prepared to deliver him early. We were scheduled to move the first week of September and I thought we would be moved, unpacked and all settled in before Jared arrived. I received a phone call on Thursday, September 5th informing me that I needed to be in the hospital the next morning.
We were still in our old house, I hadn't finished packing and I had Joel and Jordan, Jared's older brothers to arrange care for. Steve calmed me down, promised he would take care of everything, sent me to bed to rest and proceeded to plan B.
More to Come . . .
The night seemed an eternity. As morning finally arrived, so did one of Jared's pediatric surgeons. He reported that "Jared had done better than expected" throughout the night but, we are dealing with very serious complications right now."
It was decided to remove Jared from the medication being used to keep a ductus open between his heart and lung.
Jared was born on a Friday morning. He was a large baby. His guesstimated weight was ten to eleven pounds. He was too critical to weigh right after birth and an accurate weight could not be taken later because he was bogged down with arm boards, IV's, ventilater, etc.
I was not due to have Jared until the first of October. Because of his size and diabetes complications it was decided he would be delivered as soon as my amniotic fluid tested positive for lung maturity. I was in no way prepared to deliver him early. We were scheduled to move the first week of September and I thought we would be moved, unpacked and all settled in before Jared arrived. I received a phone call on Thursday, September 5th informing me that I needed to be in the hospital the next morning.
We were still in our old house, I hadn't finished packing and I had Joel and Jordan, Jared's older brothers to arrange care for. Steve calmed me down, promised he would take care of everything, sent me to bed to rest and proceeded to plan B.
More to Come . . .
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